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Hmm. Sleeping in half-hour naps with respiratory interruptions necessitating adventures to the kitchen for water and vitamins between each one is not the way to get the best night's rest ever. Also, eating almost exclusively tangerines for the past couple days is doing strange things to my digestion. However, I can now breathe through my nose most of the time.
I am going to have to stop ignoring the teacher in Logic soon. I don't know for certain that I understand every single concept he's incessantly repeated for the last two classes. However, making fun of Stephan's conjugations is more entertaining. As it is in Music History. Bryan likes Liszt! Who'da thunk? It's so antithetical to the rest of his ideology. He's a Bach (including CPE), Mozart, antiRomantic heathen, but he likes Liszt. Well, one point for his corner.
I've been slow in coming to this realization, but I think it's a fact of my personality that I am not suited to be what the archetypal image of "performer" entails. I can overcome my basic introversion to perform, yes. I can get out of my box for an audience, or a teacher, or a coach, or even sometimes a friend. However, not having been a major part of a real show since elementary school precluded my understanding that there's a reason I was not a theater major, in PVA and onward. There's the stereotype of the gregarious, extroverted, attention-obsessed, even obnoxious actor who proudly shows off the passionate heart dangling from his sleeve, and there's a reason for that stereotype, no matter how extreme. As much as I don't care what people think, as a rule, I also don't live to flaunt myself and invite their praise or criticism so I can ignore it. I am not like the people who gravitate toward performance as a profession; it's exceptional for me to make personal attachments as deep as the ones I had with this cast, and it's almost unheard of for me to make them as quickly as this.
All of this, basically, to introduce my apprehensions about ever doing a show again. I realize the circumstances will never repeat themselves, and of course that must be so, but one of the consolations at the end of this experience was that there will be other shows. However, I don't know if I can handle other shows. If I become part of a group as tightly knit, and if the people are in any way as interesting and worthwhile, it will be just as painful an experience to end. I can't change this fast, not without substantial trauma. They tunneled their way into the darkest recesses of my heart and left pylons and supports so the hole wouldn't close when they left. Because obviously, they had to leave. Life can't be made up of college theater's nightly intensity of rehearsal and carousing. I know they're still around, but it's never going to be the same, and I am irrationally hurt by that. I don't know if I can handle having that realization more than once.
ETA 7:16pm: Ah, the joys of Patu and Diego. Now for Theory homework.
I am going to have to stop ignoring the teacher in Logic soon. I don't know for certain that I understand every single concept he's incessantly repeated for the last two classes. However, making fun of Stephan's conjugations is more entertaining. As it is in Music History. Bryan likes Liszt! Who'da thunk? It's so antithetical to the rest of his ideology. He's a Bach (including CPE), Mozart, antiRomantic heathen, but he likes Liszt. Well, one point for his corner.
I've been slow in coming to this realization, but I think it's a fact of my personality that I am not suited to be what the archetypal image of "performer" entails. I can overcome my basic introversion to perform, yes. I can get out of my box for an audience, or a teacher, or a coach, or even sometimes a friend. However, not having been a major part of a real show since elementary school precluded my understanding that there's a reason I was not a theater major, in PVA and onward. There's the stereotype of the gregarious, extroverted, attention-obsessed, even obnoxious actor who proudly shows off the passionate heart dangling from his sleeve, and there's a reason for that stereotype, no matter how extreme. As much as I don't care what people think, as a rule, I also don't live to flaunt myself and invite their praise or criticism so I can ignore it. I am not like the people who gravitate toward performance as a profession; it's exceptional for me to make personal attachments as deep as the ones I had with this cast, and it's almost unheard of for me to make them as quickly as this.
All of this, basically, to introduce my apprehensions about ever doing a show again. I realize the circumstances will never repeat themselves, and of course that must be so, but one of the consolations at the end of this experience was that there will be other shows. However, I don't know if I can handle other shows. If I become part of a group as tightly knit, and if the people are in any way as interesting and worthwhile, it will be just as painful an experience to end. I can't change this fast, not without substantial trauma. They tunneled their way into the darkest recesses of my heart and left pylons and supports so the hole wouldn't close when they left. Because obviously, they had to leave. Life can't be made up of college theater's nightly intensity of rehearsal and carousing. I know they're still around, but it's never going to be the same, and I am irrationally hurt by that. I don't know if I can handle having that realization more than once.
ETA 7:16pm: Ah, the joys of Patu and Diego. Now for Theory homework.
