![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Other than the superficial kind of thinking required for the three tests and two essays I did today, I couldn't really concentrate on anything but the trip and the things Salad told me. Mama had fun too. She says, though, to be careful not to spend too much time with those kinds of people, becuase she knew a lot of them in college and they skipped school to drink and play cards. I really wouldn't mind (desperately want) to spend more time with Salad. And I don't think it would hurt me, either, because he does his job first, and then drinks himself under the table, and it doesn't do much to him anyway. There's rehearsal tonight, and people usually go out after to a bar or restaurant or something, and I don't know if the room 804 crowd usually go or not. I don't even know if Mama will let me come, because I've gotten about 7 hours of sleep over the last four nights. Oddly enough, I'm not sleepy. I probably will be by then, though.
L was back today. Saw him at lunch. Kind of awkward, but it's still there. Had a fun conversation with B about Salad. Gaaah, why can't I just learn the tsaakin' lesson and move on?
Part of it is that he refused to let me just spectate at the drunken parties, as I usually do at any kind of party. He hauled me up from behind the beds (it was the 804th hotel room) by the hands and made me participate as much as he could. He brought the attention back to me several times after the rest of everybody had gone off on really stupid, drunken tangents, and publicly gave me credit for his new nickname. He had long, involved, advisory conversations with me before (sober) and after (plastered) the main party, and had about the same level of coherence and sympathy. He gave me a list of good books to read in a certain order, and one that I won't understand until I'm 30, and offered to talk with me about them whenever I felt like it, as long as he was sufficiently inebriated. He discussed the fallacies of the stupid with me, as an equal but less informed. He tried to get me to dance. He crashed on the bed at 4:00 and snored uproariously. He made me feel special. Is that it? Ai. How trite. I hate knowing about experiences and thinking I'm above them, and then having them and feeling stupid. I hope he's with the party group tonight. I hope I can go.
L was back today. Saw him at lunch. Kind of awkward, but it's still there. Had a fun conversation with B about Salad. Gaaah, why can't I just learn the tsaakin' lesson and move on?
Part of it is that he refused to let me just spectate at the drunken parties, as I usually do at any kind of party. He hauled me up from behind the beds (it was the 804th hotel room) by the hands and made me participate as much as he could. He brought the attention back to me several times after the rest of everybody had gone off on really stupid, drunken tangents, and publicly gave me credit for his new nickname. He had long, involved, advisory conversations with me before (sober) and after (plastered) the main party, and had about the same level of coherence and sympathy. He gave me a list of good books to read in a certain order, and one that I won't understand until I'm 30, and offered to talk with me about them whenever I felt like it, as long as he was sufficiently inebriated. He discussed the fallacies of the stupid with me, as an equal but less informed. He tried to get me to dance. He crashed on the bed at 4:00 and snored uproariously. He made me feel special. Is that it? Ai. How trite. I hate knowing about experiences and thinking I'm above them, and then having them and feeling stupid. I hope he's with the party group tonight. I hope I can go.