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I am utterly terrified. There are bad worms in my stomach. And the thing is, it's not because I'm going to sing in front of a huge audience in the best concert hall here which picks up everything you do, good or bad. I can handle that. I just can't figure out what to wear.
For those of you who understand the irony of that statement, let me elaborate. I absolutely abhor the idea of dressing according to convention just because there is a convention, but it is quite useful in situations like these, when I'm performing and there are other things expected of me and I don't want to have to think about the clothes. The problem is, I'm singing a boy. I don't know the conventions. I am a 14-year-old Mozartian page, and in full operatic costume I would be in knee-breeches and jacket and lace at the sleeves and throat. I'm not going that far. I would do, I have, I could consider, pants tucked into green boots and matching jacket with a kind of waistcoaty velvet green shirt under the jacket, but is that still going too far? Will I look, as the actor portraying Commodore Norrington protested, like an ice cream? Is it too much for a freshman whose performance is not going to be up to the level to which expectations would be inspired by such over-the-top clothes?
The other option is cowardice, a regular foofy pants-and-blouse combination that makes no reference to the fact that I am a boy other than by its not being a dress. I despise backing down from outrageous things, because I should not be intimidated by attention. However, how outrageous can I get and still deserve the attention it brings me? Would I be a poser? Would I be embarassed? Only if I didn't sing as well as the clothes demanded, and I don't want to automate low expectations from myself by choosing the weaker option just in case. And yet, I fear the alternative.
I want to be good, so no one will care, but listen to me, whatever I wear.
For those of you who understand the irony of that statement, let me elaborate. I absolutely abhor the idea of dressing according to convention just because there is a convention, but it is quite useful in situations like these, when I'm performing and there are other things expected of me and I don't want to have to think about the clothes. The problem is, I'm singing a boy. I don't know the conventions. I am a 14-year-old Mozartian page, and in full operatic costume I would be in knee-breeches and jacket and lace at the sleeves and throat. I'm not going that far. I would do, I have, I could consider, pants tucked into green boots and matching jacket with a kind of waistcoaty velvet green shirt under the jacket, but is that still going too far? Will I look, as the actor portraying Commodore Norrington protested, like an ice cream? Is it too much for a freshman whose performance is not going to be up to the level to which expectations would be inspired by such over-the-top clothes?
The other option is cowardice, a regular foofy pants-and-blouse combination that makes no reference to the fact that I am a boy other than by its not being a dress. I despise backing down from outrageous things, because I should not be intimidated by attention. However, how outrageous can I get and still deserve the attention it brings me? Would I be a poser? Would I be embarassed? Only if I didn't sing as well as the clothes demanded, and I don't want to automate low expectations from myself by choosing the weaker option just in case. And yet, I fear the alternative.
I want to be good, so no one will care, but listen to me, whatever I wear.
From: (Anonymous)
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- Ally
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