Life Landmark (I am a dork)

[sanura]

I distinctly remember what it feels like to be electrocuted, making a mistake with David’s welding machine. I was not aware that that sensation could be approximated by anything other than 120 volts. However pathetic this is, I was similarly immobilized and shocked, unearthly vibrations running down every extremity, particularly the joints, at about 3 in the morning after finishing Gayla’s aran.

Alan and I were the only ones left in the room, and he’d commenced rubbing my foot since we were fairly tangled on the couch already. It felt like drowsy hours between sentences, and I told him that I was too lazy at the moment but that kind of thing usually got an unvoiced uvular trill: I purr. Another hour (or forty seconds, depending on your subjective frame of reference) passed, and he leaned more towards me. Another hour, and his hand brushed my face, his head touched my shoulder. Not having had anyone try to kiss me since I was about 7, this was where I was electrocuted. My pulse leapt. I shook my head slightly, hoping he’d take the hint, but I had to move slightly away, pack up my wire and tuning fork (with what seemed like years between each movement), stand up, and walk to the door. His voice stopped me with another small electrocution, my own name.

“Ryan… What…”

What could I say? I stood there for what felt like more hours, looking back at him (and he looked artlessly piteous). Eventually my mind reassembled itself. I opened my mouth, and spoke unaccountably sensibly for the chaos that was running through my brain.

“For one thing,” I counted on my fingers, “I’m seventeen.” Pause that felt like a decade. “For another thing, I’ve known you for a week. Another, I’m about to fall asleep.” He snorted a little self-consciously. “And we probably won’t see each other for at least a year.” I turned and went upstairs, to bed, where I shivered with uncontrollable full-body tremors for an hour and a half, despite mama’s lullabies and comforting warmth. She didn’t know what to think. Neither did I. I think I qualified as certifiably hysterical. In the morning I couldn't eat, I threw up before lunch, and I spent the concert standing in the back trying not to throw up till I got onstage.

Life eventually kaleidoscoped back to slightly normal. I've been swinging back and forth since then between being meltedly flattered and unhappily terrified. It marks a change in the way I'm expected to think. Somebody else was always in charge of this kind of thing, but it was my name he said, and I was the one who had to come up with an answer. My shoulders still hurt.

Comments

[sacredmushroom.livejournal.com]

ARE YOU BACK OR WHAT im SO confused- it seems like youv been gone alot more then 3 weeks


ASDF APREUOG NAPEROG NHADFPJ N 26, yes, scary? yes... i wish age wern't a thing

if it were a person, i would slap it for telling me how i should act, and what i should wear, and how unhealthy i was

and for tiring my heart

and for killing me

[sanura.livejournal.com]

I am not home yet, no. I will be tomorrow. We decided not to leave today cause we need to decompress from being in the car. We'll leave in the morning (read: probably right before noon) in order to get there before falling asleep.