(no subject)

I really, really wish I had been at the meeting.

But.

I had my first voice studio at the time. Enlightening. Even if I wanted desperately to be there for the quartet movement deliberation, it was interesting. I didn't so much learn, as realize.

I have trust issues, of which I am fully aware. I don't know where they came from, since no one in my life has betrayed me in a particularly traumatic or scarring manner; I've thought about whether they might be because my dad died, but that's nobody's fault and I don't get upset about it except under certain circumstances, so probably not. In any case, I have a hard time trusting anyone. Trust is necessary in the relationship between a voice teacher and student.

So when I got called up (out of a class of five plus two grad observers) to vocalize and demonstrate, I realized I would have to drop my issues and really trust Dr. Farwell. Or rather, I realized this after I was done making a dolt of myself by not trusting her. I definitely didn't trust Isabelle, and it did me good, but I sincerely believe that Dr. Farwell knows what she's doing and is very good at it, and that I agree with what she teaches. So I need to let her do it. Gleh, blah, I hate not being able to connect high and low on the way up (going down I have very little trouble, but out of nowhere, grr).

I want another popsicle, but they are four floors down.

I don't want to do my homework. Except the reading. Maybe I will read.