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I really try not to take things personally, and I can go through life dealing as if I haven't, but I'm much more easily wounded than I'd like. Composition club meeting today was very productive and interesting...
Reggie and I were the only ones there, so we listened to some Kabalevsky and tried to develop Reggie's piano fantasy. There is a lot of repetition in that piece, and Reggie was trying to develop the simple melody... But then Avalon made me try, and as I didn't come up with much, he made some suggestions, and I tried to qualify a statement he made, and every time I do that I end up looking like an arrogant, pretentious poser. A couple times ago my mom was there and she joined him in calling me obstinate and sarcastically declaring me all-knowing... I suppose it's true that I act like it sometimes, and I need to hear it, but ouch. Plus if it's from someone I can tell means it in the best possible way, it makes me particularly miserable because it's true. That's why I can't with any practicality have voice lessons from my mom.
Ack. I get so discouraged when I acknowledge how far I have yet to develop to be worth anything at composing.
Reggie and I were the only ones there, so we listened to some Kabalevsky and tried to develop Reggie's piano fantasy. There is a lot of repetition in that piece, and Reggie was trying to develop the simple melody... But then Avalon made me try, and as I didn't come up with much, he made some suggestions, and I tried to qualify a statement he made, and every time I do that I end up looking like an arrogant, pretentious poser. A couple times ago my mom was there and she joined him in calling me obstinate and sarcastically declaring me all-knowing... I suppose it's true that I act like it sometimes, and I need to hear it, but ouch. Plus if it's from someone I can tell means it in the best possible way, it makes me particularly miserable because it's true. That's why I can't with any practicality have voice lessons from my mom.
Ack. I get so discouraged when I acknowledge how far I have yet to develop to be worth anything at composing.
