Oops. That was a bit more revealing than I intended.

[sanura]

Life consists almost solely of cheese, tea, MacGyver and Stargate right now. I've put together a folder of some things to practice, in case my ambition ever rises to the level where I'd make it to Shepherd, which it's been close to in the past couple days.

However, I seem to have fallen into my usual (oh, what is it... biannual? It's not monthly, at least) movie-related funk and sense of personal relative worthlessness. Objectively, I know how stupid it is. That doesn't make it subjectively any less uncomfortable. I get so jealous of fictional characters (because, of course, they're fictional, and thus impossible to emulate, which makes it even less fair). By extension, I get jealous of the actors who get to personify fiction. Sometimes because of the great worth of the story, sometimes because of the great worth of the characters. It also discourages me in regards to other people. Obviously, I can't expect anyone to be as cool as people I admire in fiction, because it's fiction. There are cool people, certainly, and I'm proud and grateful to know the ones I do, but no one is as cool in those specific ways as MacGyver. And I can't expect to meet anyone like him, or Greg House, or Daniel Jackson, or Josh Lyman, because they don't exist. That's just the people who might, though. I won't even go into the tragedy of people like Strider, whose entire culture doesn't exist.

It's a useless thing to lie awake at night crying about, but there you are. For some reason it matters desperately to me. I mourn the fictionality of fiction and despair of its unreality, while at the same time celebrating the ability of people to conceive of things so cool. The ideas must have come from somewhere, even if their combination in such aesthetically pleasing ways is nearly impossible. So, amazing people do exist. I know a couple. Which is also sad, because I'm not them, so I'm jealous. It's just all pretty awful, but then the alternative, worldwide boredom, mediocrity, and lack of imagination, would be oh so much worse, especially because I wouldn't know what I was missing. So in a way, I enjoy the opportunity I have to suffer over stupid stuff like this. Plus, hey. It'll go away in awhile. And sometimes reality is as aesthetically pleasing as fiction. Just not the same.

Comments

[signorinakatina.livejournal.com]

Wow! Someone else on my friends list just posted today, "i need to remember that reality is not fiction and fiction innaccurately portrays reality."

And I commented in response:

Not that it's always inaccurate--it is just not as detailed. If it's a beautiful story you never read about the mundane in-between moments. Equally as beautiful stories occur among humans but they include the sordid details.


Of course, when you're talking about science fiction and fantasy, it's kind of different.

But everything else I was going to say--and what I already did say--you have in your last paragraph. So I guess this comment is kind of pointless.

[sanura.livejournal.com]

Not true. In my opinion, anyway. The best stories include the mundane in-betweens and the sordid details. That's what makes the contrast so beautiful.