(no subject)

Sigh. I don't deserve my life.

Where are you?

(no subject)

Stephan took me to see Equus. The fact that it was amazing and the performances were stunning (except for a few problems in the supporting cast with bad accents) is immaterial. There is something wrong with the way I live if I have to feign a headache in order to explain the expressions of despair I keep making, head in hands, because he is so much better than I am at synthesis and analysis and every single thing they try to get you to do for yourself in school so that it will apply to life. Admittedly, he's seen it twice, but the things he says, the things I can see him scornfully overacheiving with on some vital AP test, are the kinds of things I can BS, and BS well, but he truly seems to understand. And the formulaic "analyze... apply other things you've read... supporting evidence" prompt you always get, comes out of him in perfectly articulate complete sentences with comprehensible transitions and utter relevance. I would give up, but I can't stand the fact that he's better. I have to do something.