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Ugh, ugh, ugh. I am tired of this body. The joints, the limb lengths, the center of gravity are all wrong, stupid pendulous masses in stupid places, stupid proportions.

I want to be metaphysical. Physicality is causing so much complication. Stupid reproduction, stupid debilities, stupid fatal diseases.

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An already irritating day has become extremely pissy. Stupid. I don't know why everything either makes me angry or makes me want to cry, aside from the fact that Tony insults (even if playfully) the babies as dumb animals in front of them and me, he and my mother attempt to conventionalize my clothing options for prom, and then make me feel guilty for even the slightest little hints of annoyance I allow to show through.

I have had an okay week, but today makes it seem like it was all trash. Avalon is dead, Reggie is gone till Sunday, and I am miserable. I realize this is not a completely rational reason to be aggravated by the slightest action of everyone else, but at the moment I am not feeling entirely rational.

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I feel better now. A knife in the pocket always helps. Just Kidding. Well, not really.

The YP concert was a pleasant surprise. It was good, in that attractive way of beautiful people performing specifically to entertain. I got a little nostalgic, thinking about the performances I've seen and been in that have that quality. It reminded me of that other aspect of music, which I rarely think about. It's not necessarily a shallow capitalistic impulse if you want to sing or play to please people; music can be an expressive medium or a distractive one, and involving the audience is a way to make it both. Avalon said that often. It was something that was important to him, knocking down the fourth wall.

So then after the show, Tony came out from backstage and I was in a frame of mind to be reminded why I like him so much, aside from loving him distantly and rather abstractly. And we drove him home, and it was much like the best times have been. And on the way back, there were yellow freeway lights and flying overpasses and the kind of classic rock that reminds you anything is possible.